:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We need to get me chipped asap
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
