and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
