Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She even gives head with a lisp.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
