I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
