Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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