What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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