The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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