yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
