I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
