something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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