It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I looked at my own cervix.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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