1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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