Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize