I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
