I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
