just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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