don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
