i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
