shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
