Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
