Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
