I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
