just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
