you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I fill condoms, not promises.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
