Barsexuality is the new black.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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