So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
