I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
