Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
