can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
