We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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