1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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