she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Who died my cat blue again?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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