I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
