I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
