I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
