Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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