so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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