I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
