Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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