If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
