I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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