She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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