Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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