Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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