She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
