You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
