dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
