just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
