i permit you to call me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
