The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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