I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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