Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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