508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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