I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
