He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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