In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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