I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
